Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
