3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
