She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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