should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize