I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
