Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
