Don't you send me to vm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
