imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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