he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
