It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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