The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
