First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
