Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
