I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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