How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
