you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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