I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
