who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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