last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
