non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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