I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
