i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
