glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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