Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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