Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
