Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
