I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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