is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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