Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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