After last night, I could never be a politician.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
