TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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