i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
