People in love make me want to vomit
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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