How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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