Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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