I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
