there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
