that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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