my soul wont recognize me after tonight
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
