all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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