I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
