I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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