it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize