She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
