i just google imaged poop.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm like, not good at living.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
