what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
