My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me