remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
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if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂