When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off