so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
