Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
