If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
