oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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