how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
