I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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