he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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