I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
