He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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