You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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