Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found puke in my bra..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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