umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
