Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
