um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
