We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize