I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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